crib sheet

My dad tells me that as long as I'm going study fake stuff instead of pursuing science, I should at least get a PhD. I mull this over, now and then, but I'm such an academic slacker that I don't know if I'd pull it off or not.

So, instead of reading for tomorrow's class, I found this crib sheet on Christianity. I love these sorts of things, which again speaks to my slackery- I've grown up in this religion, and I'd still rather read a goofy crib sheet than buckle down to read Nouwen.

Premillenialism
This is the belief among some Christians that, ever since Jan. 1, 2000, it has no longer been possible, in the words of the Prince song, "to party like it's 1999." Postmillenialists are those Christians who believe that it will always be possible to do so, while Amillenialists believe that in this context, "1999" cannot be understood literally, but must be read as an allegorical term roughly meaning "a time at which it is especially appropriate to party."

Orthodox
For many years, American scholars believed the Orthodox were, like leprechauns, unicorns, and Eskimos, purely the product of the fanciful imaginations of medieval writers. Recent evidence leads us to tentatively conclude, however, that Eastern Orthodoxy may have somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 million adherents. Protestants tend to see the Orthodox as "Catholics with beards," while Catholics confess to a haunting sense that they are simply "Orthodox without beards."

The Trinity
This is the Christian expression of God, who Christians say is personified by the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Not all Christians accept this: Unitarians, Jehovah's Witnesses, and some Pentecostals reject trinitarianism, as do Muslims. Interestingly, while this does not mean Pentecostals are Muslim, it does mean that Muslims are Jehovah's Witnesses. St. Augustine famously summed up the difficulty of comprehending the Trinity when he recounted a dream in which a small boy told him he would need a bigger bucket if he wanted to bail out the ocean.

And my absolute favorite:

The Emerging Church
This is a term that refers to churches attended exclusively by white people in their 20s and 30s who have at least one tattoo or body piercing. Their distinguishing characteristics are a refreshing, "up to date" interpretation of Christianity, and a reluctance to directly answer questions.

If I had a buck for every minute I spent trying to sort out Brian McLaren's 'emergent' view of Christianity, I'd spend it on ice cream. That's not specific to the emergent movement, I suppose; I've read a lot of books that retrospectively seem like massive wastes of my time. I do like ice cream, though.

Scroll down through the comments at holyoffice for Jesus-specific commentary and an explaination of why the devil has all the good music.