pentecostal jokes

What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness?
When he knocks on your door, he doesn't know why he's there.

I met a neat fellow named Jeff at the Roadhouse last night- his wife was neat, too, but she didn't talk as much and I didn't learn her name. This conversation, like a lot of other good ones I've had there, started with him noticing my lack of Southern drawl. He met a billionare from Lake Placid who was a real nice guy, except that he was a Nazi back in the day.

Me: Sounds like that new pope the Catholics' have got.
Jeff: (Laughs) So, are you Catholic?
Me: Nope, I'm a Pentecostal
Jeff: Whahahahahahaa! (Hides behind the menu to continue laughing.)
Me: ?

After he recovered, he told me a story about his mom, who was a Quaker, responding to an invitation to a Pentecostal revival meeting when he was a kid. He described it as "fun for a while, and then suddenly everybody went nuts."

Me: That sounds like us.

He thought it was pretty neat that he got a Pentecostal waitress who was attending a Quaker school, and we had a longish conversation about some of the differences and similarities between the two camps. When I came back to refill his coffee after giving his order to the kitchen, he asked if he could order a steak instead of a cheeseburger. I said yes and started to explain that his order would take a bit longer, but he cut me off and said that he didn't really want to change his order.

Jeff: I just wanted to know how much it would take to make a Pentecostal snap.
Me: When you see me climb up on a table and start screaming in tounges, then you'll know.

By the time I swung past their table again, Jeff was more apologetic- his wife had warned him to be sure that I was okay with joking about religion. I had to admit to him that the best Pentecostal jokes I've heard have been after Pentecostal services. I went looking for some online, but didn't find much aside from the light bulb jokes and this one about a dog.

I did like this one, though:

"OAK ROAD Bible Believing, Hand Clapping, Foot Stomping, Hemlines-Below-the-Knee, Tie Wearing, Blood Washed, Coffee-And-Donuts-During-Sunday-School Eating, Council of Nicaea Appreciating, Non-Denominational CHURCH

The man leaning on the sign says, "When you don't believe in written creeds, you have to squeeze a lot of doctrine into your name."

Here's another, as if it makes up for my lack of updates:

Top 10 signs that you are in the wrong church:
10. The church bus has gun racks.
9. The church staff consists of senior pastor, associate pastor and sociopastor.
8. The Bible they use is the Dr. Seuss version.
7. There is an ATM in the lobby.
6. The choir wears leather robes.
5. The worship services are B.Y.O.S. (bring your own snake).
4. There's no cover charge but communion is a two-drink minimum.
3. The pastor regularly attends meetings in Las Vegas and Atlantic City.
2. The ushers ask, "Smoking or non-smoking?"
1. The Women's Quartet are all married to the pastor.