More important the squirrels, though, my sister Kim talked to (yelled at) me about having gone to the prom last weekend. Proms, and dancing in general, are new to our family. My cousin Ben, who's three years older than me, was the first of the home crowd to go to prom, and it was a mini-scandal for the family. I remember my poor Sunday School teacher, who had married one of my grandpa's first cousins, being absolutely appalled than one of the kids she helped to educate would attend a late night party and perhaps even dance with the provocatively dressed girls.
It was less of a big deal when me and the cousins of my age went to prom. Many older family members, this time around, tried to be oh-so-cosmopolitan in their reactions, acting as though they were not bothered by our participation in a dance while underhandedly warning us about the dangers of public licentiousness. With Kim, I'm not sure how the reaction would have gone; Zack would be the only cousin of her age who isn't homeschooled, and I don't know if he went to prom or not. She didn't complain about anyone telling her not to dance, though, which makes me suspect that no one did.
I'm sort of glad that Kim doesn't feel guilty about dancing. I sure do, and I feel awkward when friends want to go dancing and I can't enjoy coming along. Less pointless guilt is generally a good thing, and Kim isn't such a good kid that she can't find legitimate things to feel guilty about.
On the other hand, I wish that older family members still felt as empowered to criticize her as they did me, and as open to criticize me as they did my dad a generation ago. As irritating as it is to be told by various family folks how to act, as though my last name determines my moral character, that open criticism from family members who've paid their dues over the decades is part of what made our family so strong. Most of it is even useful advice- as much as I hate to admit it, I am 24, headstrong, and sometimes deeply in need of good advice from folks who remember being 24 and headstrong, and remember my father when he was 24 and every bit as stubborn as me.
Point is, I'm not sure who lets Kim wear so much eye makeup, but I'm pleased that she had a good time. I just hope she's getting reamed about other things, so that she has the full family experience.
3 comments:
Hey Jules, its Lindsey.
I just got this site off LJ. And yo, when did your sister grow up? She looks so much like you, its almost scary. This post is also very insightful, as yours usually end up being. We always wonder why some of the things we did were so hard for us, yet so easy for our younger siblings, and thats because we paved a road for them,which to our parents wonderment was just so much less difficult then they originally thought that now they are confortable letting them go to proms, wear extensive eye make-up (my mom still says mine is "hooker" make up...I laugh and put the eyeliner on just a little bit darker). And the thing is, they will never fully appreciate what we had to go through for them, as I am sure is the case between me and my older sister. And then, theres the other thing you mentioned, that sometimes, even as an adult, we need someones opinon. My mother always tells me "you are 25 years old, and adult, figure it out for yourself..." and my thought is that I must have become a genius at 4:33pm on January 14, 2006 for me to know the the answers to the entire world.
I didnt have the family pressure I think you did, especially when you mention those pressures that come with your last name, but I do understand. My parents took such an unactive interest in my teenage years that I kind of floundered on the important stuff and still do. I feel inadequate in many situations, especially those that deal with guys in the romatic sence, that for the most part i avoid them. Im working on that right now, but its slow going.
I forgot what I was going to say, as I am in class and writing this between project print outs. I guess, i just wanted to say, I get it.
Talk to you soon.
Linds
I didn't notice myself being overwhelmed by a sudden wave of genius upon turning 24, either, although I do wish I had that genius pin that I kept on my backpack in high school.
And yeah, Kim got grownup all of a sudden. Our baby pictures look like they could be of the same kid, but the age difference makes us look less alike.
Not that it is any of my business but why can't you dance?
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